uniformed consent

Attached is a link to an article about uninformed consent. If you are expecting please read this and understand that this really does happen everyday. I have experienced it and know many others have too. Get informed. Take the time, do the work, learn the pros and cons of all the birthing procedures so you can make informed choices and not be led down a path that will lead you to a disappointing birthing experience.

http://www.gentlebirth.org/archives/gettingToYes.html

Natural Birth Elizabeth Sings at 10 cm www.serenitybirth.com

So Beautiful. This is what the Lord can do for you and your birth. all you have to do is invite Him. Look how it is affecting the staff at the hospital. This is the best way to minister, bringing the peace of the Lord to people! Thsi is also the best way to bring a child into the world, with love, peace, grace, and joy.

Don't be afraid to put your foot down

Saying "no" to your OB/midwife is not rude. It is your right as a patient, human being, and a paying customer! Christians strive to be kind and considerate, careful not to offend caregivers (which is very admirable). Some women are worried that they must follow what their ob/midwife says since she's the authority but this is not true. Your ob/midwife is a medical authority but this doesn't mean she's in a position of authority over you. Quite the opposite! Because you hired her, you're the "master" and she is the "servant." In other words, you have authority over your ob/midwife. Yes, you should be polite. Saying no to someone who is providing a service to you in exchange for money is NOT rude. They can't provide "excellent" service if you don't tell them what you do and do not want. Even if you're sure she has your best interests in mind, you can still ask for more time before making a decision and even say no with no guilt. It doesn't make you mean, rude or a bad parent. It actually makes you a better parent for standing up for your child! Your ob/midwife is offering suggestions but it is your body, your baby and your labor and ultimately it is all your decision. Yes, you should trust your providers are looking out for your best interests, but it isn't fair to expect perfection. Your ob/midwife will give her opinion and the possibilities of the situation, but that doesn't make it an absolute truth. Following blindly without asking for other ideas will limit your ability to retain some semblance of control. After all it is your body, your baby and your labor we are talking about here.

A letter to moms (and moms-to-be)

If there is anyone who understands what you may be feeling, it is me. I have had fears and doubt, worries and anxieties, excitement and joy! But I have a mantra that I live by that a wise friend once told me (over and over I might add!) - let go and let God. Simple right? Well, maybe not. But trust me, when you truly follow this saying, life is simpler. Not easier, simpler.
Let go of all your fears, doubts and worries and let God fill you with a peace that is beyond all understanding as He takes care of what worries you.

Does this mean you'll get everything you want? The "perfect" labor? Of course not! It means you are allowing God to guide and care for you. The peace that comes from fully submitting to His will is His greatest gift. Jesus told his disciples in John 14:27 "Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I don't give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid." This Glorious gift is available to all who believe.

For those who like to be in control (and I am one of those folks) submitting anything is so hard, but trust Him. Hand over the reigns and He will hold you through it all. Remember some of His names include Abba (the equivalent of daddy), Healer, Strength, and Comforter.

Also remember that He's been birthing babies since Eve! Although it may be unknown territory for you, He's done this a few times. He has a when, where, why, and how already planned for the birth of each child. They may not be your ideal situation just as I'm sure Jesus being born in a stable wasn't exactly Mary's ideal place. God placed Him at that stable for a reason just as He will place your baby where ever it is born. Trust Him. Sometimes His plan is different than yours. If He's trying to lead you, follow. You don't have too much control over what occurs during your birthing. What you can control is your focus. Focusing on the Comforter is the most important part of the process!

Have faith in Him. He will carry you. Faith allows you to believe and trust Him no matter what your circumstances. It's a matter of acting on what you believe to get a breakthrough. Act as commanded in Judges 5:21 "March on, my soul; be strong!" When you feel you can't do it, pray for strength. He always answers. Let go of control and have faith that He will get you through.

Don't hide your fears either. That will only build a wall that will keep everyone, including God, out. Then no one, not even the Lord, can help you through those fears. He can heal your hurts and take away your fears. And on top of all that He will fill the gaps they left behind with a calmness that only the peace of the Spirit can provide.

He has created our lives so our souls crave Him. When we focus on the Lord we "feel" better. Going through difficult circumstances (such as pregnancy, labor and even newborn care) is a way for Him to redirect our focus on Him. We have to realize that we can't do it on our own and, as Christians, need to lean on Him to provide for our needs and quell our fears. He promises to never leave us or forsake us and that "there is no fear in love. For perfect love casts out all fear, because fear has to do with torment." (1 John 4:18) His love for you is perfect so let go of your fears and let God's love fill you.

Let go of it all and let God carry you through.

Let go and let God.

Woman Sings While In Labor

Amazing how calming the Lord can be. I didn't sing out loud in my second labor (all in my head) but I might actually try it next time! After thinking about it, anyone with vocal training knows that in order to sing properly you have to take deep abdominal breaths. In order to aid contractions you also need to take deep, abdominal breaths. It should work very well. If anyone tries it before I have another baby tell me how it went! I honestly would be honored to attend a birthing like this. This video makes me cry everytime I watch it.

review of "supernatural childbirth" by Jackie Mize

Well, I've read a few books on christian childbirth and this is the first one I found a little off. In this book the author said that if one confesses the truths of the bible over and over and truly believes them one won't miscarry, and will have pain free, fast labor. I don't believe that, sorry. I think it's a stretch. As a woman who has miscarried, I don't blame my faith (or as the author puts it, lack there of). I was a christian when I miscarried and I never once blamed God for it. I did, however, ask for a reason (and feel like after a few months I got my answer). I feel like I wouldn't be the woman, wife, or mother I am today if it hadn't happened. I appreciate my children so much because I look at them and think about the babies I lost.

However much I didn't agree with the majority of the book, there were a few things that I did find interesting. If you would like a specific gender of child, praying for it after conception is silly since the gender is already chosen. I had never thought of this (silly me). We have been praying that our next child be a girl for the past few months already so, who knows, maybe God will respond with a yes! Of course he could say no a give us another boy, which is fine with me since I love my babies no matter who they are or what they look like.

Also, pray with a purpose. In regards to labor ask for a term baby and a normal, easy, fast labor with no complications. And don't forget to pray for a healthy mom and baby. Start right away! There's no time to waste! I believe God hears all our prayers so pray, pray, pray!!!! I completely agree that pray is an integral part of pregnancy, labor and life in general! I suggest picking up a pregnancy devotional (they can be found in either weekly or daily format). And read it as a couple. It is vital that as a couple you pray over your baby. Your baby CAN hear you and praying while baby is still a "captive audience" creates an even bigger doorway to becoming a believer of the Lord. You can't force your baby to believe but you can pray for it/with it. Your baby can feel your moods. Prayer is calming, and can be used to reach a meditative state that will help you stay relaxed during your pregnancy and especially through labor. Again, pray, pray, pray!!!!

So, in conclusion, not really something I would suggest (esp since I feel like it was also a little vague).

Review of Under the Apple Tree by Helen Wessel

I would highly recommend this book for those trying for a Christ centered birthing! Although it was written in 1981 it is still fairly relevant now. Though some of the medical procedural information no longer applies much of the technique and scripture still do. I myself have used similar techniques with a fantastic and rewarding outcome!

The book has 3 sections. The first is all about building a firm foundation in your faith and marriage. If one is reading this book for information of bible based birthing there is no necessity to start at the beginning but it is very important to make sure both your relationships with the Father and your husband are in the "right" place. At least one that you are comfortable with. I suggest reading it cover to cover, especially for the first time parents since there is so much good information about all aspects of marriage, birthing, and parenting (as it should since that is part of the books title!). Also in the first section is timing/planning of children. All of these things are to be prayed over by the couple.

The second section is all about pregnancy and birthing. Starting with the need to pray WITH the baby while one is pregnant. It covers nutrition of both body and spirit, insisting on BOTH parents doing daily devotions together and separate. It continues to the breathing techniques (which are the same techniques I used in the birth of my Elijah). It's all about slow, deep, abdominal breaths during contractions, keeping every muscle in your body relaxed. Any tension, even a furrowed brow or clenched fist, will add pain and discomfort. The medical explanation I learned from another book is because tension releases the "panic" reflex which leads to pain in labor. In between contractions one should take cleansing breaths. Next, exercise is covered: walking, pelvic rock, tailor sitting and kegels, all very important to prepare for birthing. I would like to add swaying in a clockwise motion on a birthing ball while practicing your breathing as a vital exercise. I suggest using praise nursery music to add in relaxation. Something you enjoy and can use when baby is born. Baby can hear the music even when still in your tummy and after birth the familiar tunes will be soothing. Our Elijah can attest to this.

There is a sample birth story as well. Also included is a section on choosing the birth attendant and place that best suits you, whether it be an obgyn or midwife, hospital or home birth. The attendant needs to understand that they are being allowed a great privilege to attend your birthing and should have similar birthing ideals. Place is strictly a matter of preference unless there are complications.

The third and final section is all about parenting. Something I feel the first time parents should read. I think all parents should read the first chapter of this part since much of it is very important to the christian parent who is planning to give birth naturally.

Below are some quotes that I found profound:

Although a child must make his own decision to accept Christ as his Savior when he or she is old enough to understand, the child's spirit is being made receptive even before when he has believing parents and grandparents. p. 107

The best preparation for parenthood is for a young husband and wife to feed there souls, tasting the good word of God. Let them read the Bible daily, alone and together, meditate on it , memorize it, obey it. May their child not be born into a family where famine rules, not a famine of bread, nor a thirst for water, but of hearing the words of the Lord. p.119

Childbirth is one of the most powerful experiences of life, one in which those present at the birth often become aware of the presence of the Creator. It is a holy time, and the rightful place of birth, a sanctuary. p.160

Blessed in deed is the infant whose godly parents have made every preparation for his or her arrival under the guidance and wisdom of the Holy Spirit. p. 178

the most significant journey a human being ever makes is the few inches from the mother's womb in the light of day... what awaits the child given to the light? p. 199

The one unchanging fact of human life is change. We are not as we were yesterday, nor is there permanence in any of our relationships with others. Our lives are constantly moving, changing, like the mountain streams rushing downward toward the sea, branching out in many directions, merging again at times and then separating as they spill across the landscape toward the end. p. 244

I would suggest this book to any christian couple, especially younger couples before and during pregnancy. Yet it gives loads of insight to the experienced family as well. All in all a good read.

some quotes from my multitudes of reading

In my reading I have come across some very insightful comments on parenting and birthing. I have been moved in ways I never expected by my research into this new path of mine and am so grateful to the Lord for all the wisdom He is instilling in me. Below are some of the passages that have had a profound affect on me.

Parenting is an adventure, a source of incredible fulfillment, a humbling responsibility, and a unique privilege. It's a voyage of discovery with a long learning curve. On many occasions, it brings both laughter and tears. It is, above all, a priceless gift from God, one that deserves to be received with joy and treated with the utmost respect. Focus on the Family Baby & Childcare p.3

This is an oath suggested to parents:
You are loved, you are important, and you always will be, no matter what happens. I care enough about you to provide for you, stand with you, coach you, correct you if necessary. My commitment to you is not based on what you do or don't do, how you look, whether your body is perfect or handicapped, or how you preform in school or sports. It is based on the fact that I am your parent and you are my child, a priceless gift whom God has loaned to me for a season. Eventually I will release you to live your own life, but while you are growing up, I consider caring for you an assignment of utmost importance. Focus on the Family Baby and Childcare p 26

God has granted parents a good deal of time on the learning curve and given children a great deal of resiliency. So take a deep breath, fasten your seat belt, stay on your knees (not just when your picking up toys!) and amid all the challenges, don't forget to step back once in a while to marvel at this little person you are nurturing. Focus on the Family Baby and Childcare p.220

There is only one Parent who who completely understands all sons and daughters on the face of the earth, and seeking His wisdom on a daily basis should be a priority for all who train and nurture children. Focus on the Family Baby and Childcare p.265

Mother's intuition is a God-given way for you to develop a sense of what is right for your baby. Christian Parenting and Childcare p.5

This is not to say the birth process is painless, but natural childbirth classes teach you to interpret birth sensations for what they really are- part of the normal physiological process for which the female body was designed. Birth is hard work. The exertion is intense, as is running a hard race. At during the race the runner feels pain. This is a productive, positive type of pain that drives the runner toward the finish line...severe pain in childbirth is NOT normal, but is a sign of an underlying problem. Christian parenting and Childcare p.83

Use the following natural techniques to ease the discomfort and speed the progress of labor - think PROGRESS to help you remember.
P-prayer and proper position-pray for peace and strength during labor. change positions frequently
R-relax and release your mind and muscles through massage, mental relaxation, imagination, slow deep breathing, and relaxing music
O-output-urinate every hr
G-gravity helps!
R-rest between contractions and let go of any tension from the previous contraction
E-energy check-snack when hungry, drink to avoid dehydration
S-submerge in water if the going gets rough (tub, whirlpool, shower)
S-support throughout labor
Christan Parenting and Childcare p.94

Children and grandchildren are the best "old age investment there is, enriching our lives as we see them grow, still loving and caring for us when our lover is gone. Children enhance and deepen the marriage relationship, while the stresses they add hasten the maturity of their parents. The question is not "Should we have children?" but "When does God want us to have each child?"For God does intend that we have children...God's desire is for the deep companionship of the marriage to be maintained through the years in order that the children born to this union may be "godly children" added grains of salt for this troubled world, spreading more love, more grace, more healing in each succeeding generation...When husband and wife seek the will of the Lord and agree about the coming of each child, they can claim God's promises to provide, regardless of the rate of inflation or the standard of living. And God will not only meet their daily needs, but will use these children to help provide answers for the world's needs. Under the Apple Tree p. 81-2

I pray these tidbits of wisdom the Lord has passed to me (via some really interesting books) will be of assistance and inspiration to any who read them.

Making the decision to become a Christian Childbirth Educator

Ever since the birth of my Elijah I have had a feeling. One that I couldn't put my finger on. I became very passionate about helping other families have the same amazing and joyful experience during birth as I had. Elijah's birth changed my whole outlook on life. I began to see childbirth as a time to grow closer to the Lord. It is a time to lean on, and trust Him. It is a time when He is allowing you to aid Him in the origional miracle... creation!

I was moved by this like nothing before. I prayed for understanding over this new feeling. I tossed around the idea of perhaps becoming a midwife, lactation consultant, or a doula. All of which were close but not quite there. I muddle along for several months looking here and there for the qualifications for each job that would allow me to help other families but there was something missing from each and I was far from qualified for any of them. Becoming a doula was as close as I could get but since I have small children it was out of the question for the next, oh 16 years!!! I would need to be able to drop everything to get to mothers in labor. No can do! I was slightly upset that I couldn't follow my passion for over a decade!

And then it happened. I was reading The Complete Guide to Christian Parenting and Childcare. In the chapter about birthing there was a title there I had never seen but new instantly it was exactly everything I'd been searching for: Chrisitan childbirth educator. I knew instantly that the Lord was speaking to me. "This is it!" I thought. This had everything, helping expectant families give birth naturally and gently, I could do the ministry/work on my family's schedule, and I could get certified in a year or less. I have begun to self study and am looking forward to the beginning of classes via internet this June.

I know the income will be very small but it is my passion. It is what the Lord has called me to do, that I am sure of. I have never seen my path so clearly lit and am greatful He has shown me the way. I only ask that He walk with me down this road. I'm sure I will need His guidance over the years and will be challenged in ways I cannot imagine but I am open to this challenge because this is what the Lord has asked me to do. He promises to never leave me or forsake me and to be my strength through all things. I trust that promise and am looking forward to growing closer to Him through it all.

Lets Begin with the past: Baby 2 Elijah David

Feeling so blessed by our Nicolas who was practically a toddler at 7mths, we decided to try for another baby. Nicolas was very independent. Actually, he still is. He crawled at 6mths and cruised 2wks later. He was walking at 9mths. Thinking back, we probably would have waited a little longer to start trying for baby number 2 if I had still been nursing but, God had other plans. It took 3mths. We didn't tell anyone for a few weeks though since Zach's brother, Nate, and his wife, Sadie, had just had our beautiful neice, Audrey only a few weeks before.

Oddly, we had names decided but, when Zach's grandfather died 2wks prior to the positive test we decided to change the boy name we had already decided upon to using David as the middle name in honor of him. The weird part was, as much as we wanted a girl to even things up, I always new it was a boy because of the honor we wanted to show.

I had another bleed with this pregnancy at 11wks this time. The bleeding was heavier than anything I had ever experienced. It was the Saturday before Christmas. I went straight to the emergency room and was rushed into a room. They first checked for heartbeat and thankfully found it right away. They did an ultrasound and found our little pumpkin squirming away. This little one was sticking around too. I can't explain the feeling of relief!

I was adamant this time to have a birth that was more like what my intuition told me childbirth should be. Something inside me was screaming for a far gentler, calmer, relaxed birth that allowed my baby to stay with me to bond better to hopefully boost our nursing relationship. I researched every natural childbirth class avaible in our area and settled on hypnobirthing. I read the book and felt like it was what I was looking for but was a little uncomfortable with the scirpts that were suggested. We took the classes in april/may. Again, I was very uncomfortable doing the scripts that asked for me to search inside myself for strength. I am a follower of Jesus and know that all strength comes from the Lord. So I discarded the hypnobirth scripts and music and instead used prayer, scripture and nursery praise music to practice my relaxation techniques. This felt so natural. I was bonding daily in a medative/prayerful state. It was perfect.

At the end of 38wks I started dialating. Thursday my contraction were 5-6min apart. Friday they were 4min apart. Saturday, also Independence Day, they were 3min apart. My parents took Nicolas to the family reunion an hr and a half away so when things progressed we wouldn't have to worry about what to do with him. We enjoyed the morning at the outlets. I was doing fine until we hit our 5th and final store. I eventually wlaked over to Zach and said, "Time to go. Now." I added now as he turned to continue shopping. He then got the message and we went home so I could eat and nap one last time before things got serious. We then decided to take advantage of the gorgeous weather one last time for the day and went to the park (which is less than a mile from the hospital) and walked for about 2 more hours before we decided that, since I was no longer able to hold conversation to head off to the hospital.

Upon arrival, I was 3cms. My doctor, knowing that I had been laboring for more than 2 days talked us into breaking the amniotic sac to give me a break. Thankfully, everything was normal this time. Shortly thereafter, we discovered that my blood levels were normal this time. Thank you Lord! I sat on my bed, feet over the side, with my back to Zach. I got very hot so Zach was lightly rubbing ice water on my back. It felt so good. The only problem I had was he was watching the nascar race more than listening to what I needed. (note to all expecting couples: leave the tv off!!!!) I didn't want to be touched during contractions so I could focus on the job at hand. I used my long, slow, deep, abdominal breaths during contractions and inbetween breathed normally and talked through to the last hr.

It wasn't long before I knew things were close. I had an amazing amount of pressure in my pelvis. I did however have one moment in the last 20mins that I prayed, "Lord, I don't know how much more pressure I can take. You know me and you know my limits. I know this is almost over and I need you to get me through this last bit." At this point the contractions were less 90sec apart and I had been in the hospital for 5 hrs. My doctor came in and we discovered that I was 8cm. I was relieved since with Nicolas, when I hit 8cms I had the incredible urge to push the very next contraction.

Well, it wasn't the next contraction. It was the one after it that gave me the urge. My nurse didn't want me to push at first but I when she lifted the sheet to check and see if it was safe to push she could see the very top of Elijah's head. He was coming whether the staff was ready or not. The my bed was never completely changed over and my doctor almost didn't make it in time. As soon as He sat down Elijah's head popped out. 3 contractions and 3 pushes per contraction. We suprised the entire staff at how fast he came out and by me not taking any pain meds and still staying calm throughout. I was told that I was the only mom to have a natural birth, by choice, in well over a month. My nurse was so shocked she apparently told the entire staff our birth story. I had visits from dozens of nurses for the remaining 36hrs of our stay. They all wanted to see them mom who went natural!

Elijah nursed immediately after birth. He nursed long and strong for the first 45mins after his birth. Actually, at the time of this writting he is 9mths old and still nursing strong. I see no end in the near future either. I know many people find toddler nursing taboo in this culture but according to the Bible, weaning shouldn't take place too soon. It is a right of passage that must not be rushed. Biblical babies are believed to have been weaned around 2-3yrs of age. Eli will probably be just like them since he so desperately needs the emotional "meal."

This was the birth I had been looking for. It was amazing! I had energy afterward and Eli was so relaxed after his meal that he slept for 5hrs that night. He was 7lbs 4oz, 20.5 ins.

Let's begin with the past: Baby 1 Nicolas Dathan

To start, a little about my past.

I miscarried twice the summer of 2006. It was devestating. My husband, Zach, was in the Navy and, for the first one, he was out. I was ten weeks. I was alone, scared, in a lot of pain, curled up on my living room floor in the fetal position sobbing and praying. I'm not sure how long I was there, several hours I'm sure. Eventually, I got up to use the bathroom. To my amazement there was a tiny baby, about the size of my thumb nail, in the toilet. I don't remember much after that. I was in shock. But I made it through the next few weeks alone until my love came home.

Imagine our shock when the very next month I got another positive test! However, history was soon to repeat itself at the six week point.

It then took us six months to become pregnant again. We were over joyed, yet cautious. We hit the twelve week point and breathed a sigh of relief. But that relief was short lived. In the 12th week I had a heavy bleed. We rushed to the emergency room at 1am full of fear and praying out of fear and desperation. To our great relief, the heartbeat was still there. Our baby was still alive! The next morning I was given an ultrasound to learn that there was a very active little peanut still in my tummy but there was a "band" that needed to be checked via level 2 ultrasound.

At 20wks I had my level 2 ultrasound. The baby was a kicker! We learned within seconds that it was a boy! Nicolas Dathan was to be his name. But the good news was fleeting as we were told that our little boy would most likely be born premature and to have a carseat installed immediately. The fear was becoming more ingrained with every appointment. I felt all of my contractions and they were always rhythmatic for hrs at a time. I had false labor often. Every passing week was a celebration that our baby was still cooking!

Finally, at 37wks, two days before Christmas, I started to feel an ache in my back which turned into rythmatic contractions 4 minutes apart. We finally headed out to the hospital only to learn I was 1cm. I felt great but we very shortly found out that my platelet level was dangerously low. I was not allowed to get an epidural and COULD NOT have a c-section, no matter what! To add to this already scary thought was Nicolas' heart was beyond unstable. The doctors eventually decided to break my water in order to speed things up since things were going slow and were becoming more dangerous for my Nicolas by the minute. To everyone's dismay, there was meconium in the amniotic fluid. I saw the air slip deflate from everyone's lungs at once and new something bad had happened. I was then given the most pitocin they could safely give me to force the labor to end as soon as possible. I was trying to keep up with the contractions but they were literally on top of each other and was beginning to hyperventilate. I asked for the only pain relief I could have, a narcotic. I honestly, don't remember much after that. I remember the dr coming back in and being relieved since I had gone from 4cm-8cm in an hour. I also remember the very next contraction gave me the overwhelming urge to push. In three more contractions my precious Nicolas was born. He was taken from us the moment the cord was cut and was not returned for several hours. They had to clear his airways of all meconium and give him the antidote to the narcotic.

Nicolas Dathan was born December 24, 2007. He truely is our Christmas miracle. He was 6lbs 6oz, 19.5ins. We were told more than once that he wasn't going to make it. He is now an active, joyful little boy! And very resiliant! He has kept that quality to this day!

I failed miserably at breastfeeding. I know now that it was a simple latch issue and to this day, kill myself with guilt over not persisting. He, thankfully, took to the bottle beautifully. He never seemed to care who or how he was fed as long as it got done.

This was my first experience in childbirth and so much of it bothers me still. My poor boy was not welcomed gracefully into this world. I feel that because of the way he came into this world we missed out on a very important window for bonding that, I feel, we are still piecing together. This lost time in the first moments after his birth is also what I feel led to the early demise of our nursing relationship. I wanted to avoid pretty much every aspect of this birth with my future children. It was scary and painful. Not the way God intended for childbirth to go. Somehow, deep in my heart, I knew that this was not the way God meant for blessings to enter our life. I had no idea how right I was.